This post is actually in view of partners who recently got married, young and ambitious but both are miles apart. So does this physical and emotional separation signals a problem marriage? Right now I have many of my friends and cousins who are doing jobs being at different locations. Why friends and cousins, I am myself a victim of this.
In my view this could be a tough situation to handle and it would be one of the top ranked in stress factors for marriage. But still in this competitive world many couples have to endure and embrace separation positively before they can somehow set up home together. This is just not only in IT that I have seen but also in government jobs where husband and wife work in different departments and get different postings. Everybody in this situation struggle to move authorities for a common posting, which even Swetha is doing. We have been seeing that the phenomenon of the absent spouse does affect many marriages. It could be an IT job or a Govt job or a Merchant Navy or Military, everywhere we see people encountering this situation.
I am married and I had to leave my wife on the 7th day after marriage. The rituals were on until the last minute and we hardly had the time to meet up. In fact we could not enjoy our engagement together as I was in Singapore during that time. Ever since our marriage got settled for 4 months we directly met during the week of the marriage and then it was 7 days of togetherness. During this time also we were surrounded by people most of the times. There was no honeymoon nor did we go anywhere to spend sometime. I am sure Swetha would have some questions in her mind like – was there a true celebration within me? was I really happy to be married to my dream man at that point of time?
Though it was a matter of just two months when Swetha visited Singapore for 15 days, I found it so difficult. Now again its been 2 more months that we are separated. After you have lived together, any absence is really hard to bear. I can say that it would be more difficult for the girl than the boy. Spouse’s absence after marriage is different from being far from her before marriage. While love letters and phone calls can console you and keep you going when you are engaged, you really miss the person you are married to much more deeply. I felt that happening with Swetha more than me.
As Swetha is still staying with my parents I don’t think the I will ever come across the following situation. A physical absence would also affect while taking the responsibility and commitment which is the next stage for marriage. Let it be paying the bills to grooming the children. It is hard for any couple to plan and conceive a child if they are meeting only once in a few months. I don’t think anybody would plan for a child when wife is alone and leave the whole difficulty of pregnancy and parenting all by herself. If husband is absent for long periods then wife becomes so self-sufficient and independent that she will be having problems re-adjusting to the husband as the ‘head of the house’ and do the things in his way. At the same time the boy who has been planning many things for the family would definitely want the things to go according to him.
Finally I would say that it is true that absence can make the heart grow fonder. Once we miss the person we love
we miss the presence which makes lot of difference
know about the relation’s endearing qualities
remember all the things said and did together
All these things are bound to have an impact on us. This would make us think of our partner and we start appreciating each other for all those missed moments.
But at the same time absence can also weaken the bonds of marriage or relationship, by the challenges it throws in our paths. Much maturity and a genuine love and commitment towards our partners is needed to face such challenges.